Just Between Us Read online

  “You’re right,” I glanced away from him out of the window, “I don’t need any more babying, I need you to say it like it is, and I need to get over this. I’ll focus on enjoying myself.”

  “Good.” He nodded to himself. “Cos I think we need to start by getting shit faced again tonight.”

  “What?” I wailed. “I thought you had work to do?”

  “Well we can get shit faced whilst I do my work and sit on my balcony.”

  “You’ve got a balcony?” I asked, raising my eyebrows to him.

  “Yep and with the weather this nice we can eat out there, drink out there, and reminisce with some noughties music.”

  I smiled; it was wide and genuine. Kyle had a way of taking all the feelings of dread away and replacing them with something to be excited about. Kyle and I had a past, but we could never have a future, and I wondered exactly how much of that past we could appropriately reminisce.

  Old Times

  The following morning I woke up in a state of panic, panic that we’d been seen, or that I’d have to confess. I felt dreadful. I was sure our parents would know we had been sneaking out, and I thought my face would give away the guilt I was feeling. Kyle was my step-brother, and this was wrong. He should never have kissed me, and I shouldn’t have kissed him back. I was embarrassed and upset, and as I sat with my packed bags, I was dreading going down to breakfast to face him. It was another glorious morning in Mexico, the sun was hot even first thing, and I was sad it was our last day here before we returned to the cold.

  When I saw Kyle at breakfast, it was as if the night before had never happened, which suited me fine. He didn’t look at me, there was no change in his behaviour, and I didn’t exist to him once again. I wasn’t bothered, I was relieved and thankful that this worry boiling up inside of me wouldn’t be realised. I just chatted easily to my mum as we walked down to the restaurant that was situated by the huge, blue swimming pool. We took a table outside, and Kyle was his usual aloof self. It was comforting and reminded me that the few nights out we had had didn’t change anything, we were nothing to each other.

  Mum and Mick got up to go and help themselves to juice. I sat at the table waiting to order coffee as I always did. Kyle was watching me, suddenly his eyes were blazing into me, and I pretended not to notice.

  “Last night was a mistake,” he whispered, so quietly that I only just heard the uttering.

  I nodded but didn’t answer, looking down to my hands unable to make eye contact.

  “Sophie,” he said whilst clearing his throat. “Look at me.”

  I did and his blue eyes were searching mine to see if I heard. “Okay,” I whispered, extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed. I felt my cheeks redden, and he looked away.

  “It’s just …” He began.

  “You don’t have to explain anything, I wish it hadn’t happened, too.” I didn’t give him chance to respond as my face was on fire with embarrassment, I just stood and walked away from the most awkward conversation I had ever had.

  The journey home was uneventful, and after our holiday our lives returned to exactly what they were before. Our parents worked hard and enjoyed their social lives. I studied for my last two exams and spent my free time with my best friends, Ashley and Kathryn. My exams were almost over and then I would be free. I had had an offer from Newcastle University that I had accepted to study English Literature, and I couldn’t wait for a long summer before starting. It was already mid-May, and we were all eighteen so my friends and I were excited for nothing but parties and lazing around before real life started.

  We had been home a week when Ashley came round, one Friday afternoon. Ashley was shorter than me, tiny in fact, and she had a very toned petite body. She was an athlete, ran long distance, swam, and had her own horse. She was blonde and blue-eyed; she wore her hair long and straight down her back. She was stunning, but she had a wicked side and was the most sarcastic person I knew.

  “Come on Soph,” she sighed, leaning against the worktop in our kitchen whilst I poured us some orange juice. “Come to Tim’s party, it’ll be good.”

  I sighed, “Really? It’ll just be full of idiots getting drunk and dick heads from school that we hate.”

  “I doubt it,” she smiled, “Tim’s pretty cool.”

  “But all Kyle’s crew will be there, and they’re idiots.”

  “Oh they won’t bother us,” she said breezily. “Come on, I’m sick of us never going to the parties.”

  “We go out enough, why do we have to mix with people that we have no connection with just because we go to the same school.”

  “Because I want to go to the party.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”

  Yes!” she hissed and hugged me, “plus Vinnie Peterson is going, and I’ve lost five pounds because of these bloody exams, so I look hot.”

  “Vinnie Peterson?” I whined, “you better not bog off kissing him and leave me with the sheep.” She just grinned at me.

  Ashley and I had a totally different high school experience from Kyle and his gang. They were effortlessly popular and nothing they did seemed to change that. He was rude, obnoxious, and often ignored people, including teachers, but somehow people loved him for it, and girls fawned over him. The thing about Kyle was that he was so indifferent, that when he did turn on the charm, you felt it. He had a gang of six including his best friend David and Vinnie Peterson. They all hung off his every word and threw insults around the sixth form lounge like confetti.

  Tim, the host, was an in-between-er; he fit into every social group at school, and his party would be the link for Kyle’s crew and the rest of the school population. Ashley, Kathryn, and I were together most of the time, but we had friends individually from classes we attended. We stuck together and were invited to parties just like everyone else, but we despised fake people and wannabe popular crew people, clingers-on, sheep.

  We saw ourselves as cool and the rest of them as desperate. Then there was Vinnie Peterson. Ashley adored him, she had since we were fifteen, and he knew it. I discouraged her chasing him as it made her look needy. She chased him regardless, and he secretly loved it. He was one of Kyle’s wingmen, and he kissed her some weeks, and other girls in between. She was hooked on him, but they didn’t date and he never took things further. I was not looking forward to chasing Vinnie Peterson around Tim’s house.

  After Ashley and I had settled into the conservatory with our drinks, Kyle breezed into the kitchen. I saw him out of the corner of my eye.

  “Hi Kyle,” Ashley shouted, always pushing to be on speaking terms with him. He turned to us and smiled slightly.

  “Hi Ashley,” he said quietly.

  “You going to Tim’s?” she said through an innocent smile, the question really being, “will Vinnie be there?”

  “You going?” He glanced to me, and I looked away. Kyle and I didn’t chat, we didn’t make small talk, and often he ignored my friends, so this was new. Things had also been even more awkward since the holiday, for me anyway.

  “We’re going,” she trilled.

  I turned to see him nodding and walking away with a can of coke and a packet of biscuits.

  “Why do you hate him so much?” Ashley asked after he left.

  “What?” I shook my head. “Have you met him? He’s the most anti-social arrogant idiot ever.”

  “He’s not so bad.”

  “Oh shut up.” I slapped her arm. “We’ve both known Kyle Hanson for years and nice guy is not in his repertoire. You’re letting the Vinnie obsession muddy the waters.”

  “Shhhhhhhh …” she said dramatically, pointing to the door.

  “If he heard he won’t care, he only cares about his dick and the next place he’s going to stick it. Oh and Mick’s money.”

  “You’re harsh.”

  “You’re deluded.” I laughed.

  Later that night I was the designated driver to Tim’s house, and then we would get a taxi back. We picked Kathryn up, with Ashley in the p
assenger seat, on the way to Tim’s house in a nearby town. Kathryn lived with her parents who were doctors. She had two sisters who were older and now away at University. Her parents were fairly relaxed about her whereabouts since they were workaholics and she was the third child. They had run out of energy. She was as tall as me with dark hair and emerald green eyes. She was quite dark-skinned which made her look like she had a permanent tan. She was so lucky. She was a little curvier than Ashley and me, but that meant she had fantastic big breasts that we both envied. She was the loveliest person you could meet, beautiful both inside and out.

  “Hi,” she said excitedly as she got in. Kathryn was a sweetheart, always so happy and smiley that everyone adored her, but she chose Ashley and I to be her friends.

  “Hey Kath. Wow you look great,” Ashley said as we took off to the party.

  “Thanks.” She grinned. “I’m looking forward to some down time and a drink.”

  “Me too,” I said tightly.

  I hadn’t mentioned the kiss with Kyle to my two best friends. I had blocked it out of my mind mostly and couldn’t bear to discuss my lack of judgement with them. They wouldn’t understand how it had happened, as I always made sure they knew how little I thought of him, and to be honest, the kiss felt so unreal that it could have been a dream. “Will Vinnie be there?” Kathryn teased, patting Ashley’s shoulder.

  “Oh I hope so.” Ashley sighed.

  “You are so much better than that,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “Oh it’s romantic,” Kathryn said.

  Once we arrived, I parked on the street behind a stream of cars, and we made our way into the huge mock Tudor detached mansion that Tim lived in. As we made our way inside carrying beer and wine, Tim passed by and opened his arms.

  “Welcome girls, ice in the freezer. Make yourselves at home.” I could see he’d had a few too many already and smiled to myself.

  We went into the kitchen and put as much as we could in the fridge, opening the wine and pouring ourselves generous glasses. The house was full of people and buzzing with music. It seemed like most people from our year were here and perhaps the year below. There were various people leaning on the kitchen counters having raucous conversations, laughing and chatting.

  “Cheers,” Kathryn said, and we chinked our plastic cups.

  A few people in the kitchen had a bottle of tequila and offered us shots. We knocked them back and then decided to mingle.

  After an hour or so, people were dancing in the living room, and we were getting merry, mingling with a few girls from Kathryn’s chemistry class. Kathryn was laughing with them happily, and I was bored. Ashley had gone looking for Vinnie but was making her way back with a shrug. It was then that I decided I needed a cigarette. I didn’t smoke often, but enjoyed it when I had a drink. Ashley, being an athlete, was dead against it as was Kathryn with both her parents being doctors. So I lied and said I was going to the toilet. I turned to leave just as a commotion hit the party from behind me. I glanced back to see that Kyle and his entourage had arrived, wading through people in the hallway to enter the kitchen. I snapped my head back to move towards the back door just as I caught his eye, and continued to walk away.

  Once outside I found a shaded area of the garden under an overhanging tree and lit my cigarette. I couldn’t wait to be someone else, to be a grown up and go to university away from all these judgmental fools. I wanted to start fresh where Kyle’s little group didn’t rule the universe.

  As I smoked and mused about my life at university, Tim left the house and lit his own cigarette. He saw me in the depths of the garden and made his way over to me.

  “Looking good Soph.” He winked. I smiled to him, noticing how drunk he was. I wasn’t wearing anything special, just jeans, a camisole style top, and black pumps. My hair was down, and I still had my Mexican tan.

  “Thanks,” I said. I finished my cigarette and held it to him in a question as to where to throw the end.

  “Oh just throw it in the bushes.” He slurred. “Hey, have another, stay outside a bit.”

  I decided I would, what the hell? It was boring in there and Kyle and his cronies had arrived, so one more cigarette wouldn’t hurt. “Sit,” Tim said.

  So we sat back on the grass, and I had another cigarette. We chatted easily about school, his exams and mine, his plans for university, and his parent’s holiday that had allowed him the party.

  “Hey, I like it out here, how about I get us a drink, and we stay out a bit longer?” He suddenly didn’t seem as drunk, and I decided that being outside with him was better than inside with everyone else any day of the week. So he left me to sit on the grass, as I mused whether Ashley and Kathryn would come looking for me. Ashley had probably found Vinnie by now, and Kathryn would be fine wherever she went. It was then that I felt a presence behind me, and I jumped as the shadow moved out of the tree to my right. I almost screamed as I jumped up, but then saw that it was Kyle.

  “Shit,” I said, more to myself than him.

  “Smoking?” he said with an eyebrow raised.

  “So,” I said defensively, sitting back down.

  “What’s going on here with Simple Tim?” he asked. Clearly he and his friends had had a few drinks before the party, as I recognised that he was drunk.

  I shook my head. “Nothing, what are you doing hiding behind trees?”

  “Watching you.” He glared at me, and I looked at him confused.

  “You’re drunk.”

  “You’re flirting with Tim,” he said in annoyance.

  “I am not and why the hell has that got anything to do with you?”

  “Because … I’m your brother,” he barked.

  “You are not my brother,” I said calmly, so hopefully no one would hear our exchange, “Our parents are married, but you’re nothing to me.”

  “Oh come on, Soph,” he said in a teasing tone, his winning smile emerging as he skulked towards me. “But we got on so well in Mexico.” His eyes were wide and he reached for my hair, I jumped back.

  “You truly are a psycho,” I spat. “One minute we’re partying, then you’re kissing me, and then you act like we’re strangers again, and now this protective brother act. Just fuck off,” I said, my own eyes wide with anger.

  He nodded, and then his smile disappeared, he looked to the ground, and then inhaled loudly, “Fine!” he snapped. “Kiss Tim, kiss whoever you want you fucking whiny bitch.”

  “Ah here’s the real Kyle,” I laughed, “such a God damn charmer, go inside to find a bimbo to bother, and leave me alone.”

  I turned to see Tim return with drinks, and then when I looked back Kyle was gone.

  Later in the night Tim and I went back inside to see what damage the party was doing to his house. Kathryn waved manically from the group that she had joined doing shots in the dining room. Ashley was nowhere to be seen, and it seemed neither was Vinnie. I made my way into the hallway to the toilet and saw Kyle in the lounge with Jennie Miller on his lap. She was his usual hook-up at these parties and even though they weren’t exclusive I was sure she’d stayed at our house a time or two. He saw me and scowled as she kissed his neck in what was supposed to be a seductive way, but instead it looked like she was eating him alive and Kyle was grimacing slightly. Someone was in the downstairs bathroom, and so I made my way upstairs, which was vacant.

  I used the toilet and stared at myself in the mirror as I washed my hands. I wasn’t ugly, I saw that, but I just looked so plain. Compared to the Jennie’s of this world, no amount of effort would ever make me as well turned out as she was. She always looked so perfect, her hair impeccably styled into a long, dark, sleek bob. Her make-up always looked flawless whereas I struggled to know what to do with mine, and her clothes always seemed perfectly chosen for every occasion, even if they were bordering on slutty. Every boy in our year drooled all over her. I smiled at the injustice and made my way to the door, but as I pulled it open someone on the other side pushed their way in forcing me back inside. I ga
sped. It was Kyle.

  “Kyle,” I groaned as he shut the door, “What the …?” Before I could finish, his lips were on mine. Oh God, they did feel so good. Last time we kissed we were both so drunk, and all I could remember was how amazing it was and how my knees were like jelly, but not the specifics. Now I could remember the specifics. His lips were soft and strong, his mouth tasted amazing, a mixture of mint, beer, and obviously just Kyle. His tongue caressed mine gently, and he didn’t force it in like so many bad kissers before. He pushed me back to the sink, banging my bum against the unit as his kisses became more urgent. His hands were cupping my face and then ran down my back as I ran my hands up his back. Just as I was relaxing instead of freaking out, he pulled away.

  His dark blue eyes bored into me, I must have looked shocked, startled, and finally my senses were returning.

  “What was that?” I said pushing him away.

  “A kiss.” His killer smile returned, and he moved to me again.

  “Kyle, stop!” I held my hand up. “We can’t do this, just stop.”

  “Why?” He put his hand back on my hip and squeezed it gently.

  “Because we’re related and … we hate each other,” I stuttered.

  “You hate me?” he teased, kissing me again on the lips and flicking his tongue into my mouth. I couldn’t help but reciprocate.

  “Yes,” I pushed him back again.

  “Everyone loves me,” he said, still drunk, his eyes not quite focused on me.

  “God you’re so drunk, and this is a massive mistake.”

  “No one needs to know, Soph,” he said pushing himself into me again, his voice lowered to a whisper, “and God I can’t keep away from you.”